Live Life – Audacious!!

2013: I Begin – Again!

Dear 2012,

This is my year letter I address to you, 2012. I thank God for this year.

2012 was a year for me which began with something new, where something dead was brought to life — and where a part of my life was broken away from me forever and was buried for good.

Back in 2005, there were many things that I had begun, dreamed, aspired, hoped for, and taken active steps for. In 2006, they all died. It has taken me 6 long years to bury my dead.

But in 2013, I begin again.

A new relationship began in 2005. In 2006, it died. Only by 2012, I closed the page on that chapter.

But in 2013, I begin again.

I gave up my life in 2006 to take on a new life which was unknown to me, among people and in a place I didn’t know. My life, as I had known it, came to an end.

But in 2013, I begin again.

I made mistakes, lost my way, took an unusually long route back home. But in 2012, I got back home.

But in 2013, I begin again.

2012 saw a lot of what was lost, return to me. 2012 also saw me break free  from chains and bondages that held me, blocked me, and did not let me move.

In 2013, I begin again.

As I broke free, I have begun to regain my strength, retrace my steps to known areas but with more maturity than before, I am seeing ways unseen, unknown, unexpected, and unexplored open before me. I am seeing a new grace of God that fills me with zeal to see, know, get acquainted and explore with all that is new and coming up.

I am weak. I get tired. I make mistakes. I am exhausted. It’s the fatigue of 7 long years of waiting. But now, I breathe free. There is no longer a hook in my back that  pulls me backwards whenever I venture forward. I want to see ahead. I am committed to moving on. I am desperate to make progress.

I’ve been in the stinking rut too long, and I long to spread my wings and fly.

Breaking free isn’t risk-free. But then, there is no progress without a challenge. It excites me and it scares me.

The rut stank and was tiny – but I knew it. The sky is ever-fresh and limitless but I don’t know it. I don’t know the steps, I can’t see much ahead.

And this is where the grace of the Almighty God steps in. He sees. He knows. The ways open up before me. To me, it is a miracle. To Him, a plan unfolding.  All I have to do is depend on Him completely. This, however, is easier said than done. Humans are damaged by too much activity and addicted to its need. If we don’t know it, we feel it won’t work. To depend on someone other than ourselves brings insecurity of the unknown.

And this is where the love of the Almighty God steps in. He knows. He loves. I know so. Therefore, there is no loophole in His plan, because those plans He made, they are meant for me – the one He loves. He would not, He cannot miss any important detail, or overlook my needs, or disregard my desires, or sideline my dreams. These plans are different because they are His; and He made them for me. Because He loves me, I will be okay.

There is something I wrote about two months back on my other blog: (here is a link) He is with me. I read it and it’s a reminder for me of how true and faithful God has been with me. It is only by the love and grace of my God that I live today, and I live victoriously.

I remember the words of a beautiful song, Welcome Home by Shaun Groves; and this is my prayer to the Lord who lives in my heart now.

Take me, make me all You want me to be —
That’s all I’m asking –
All I’m asking…

Welcome to this heart of mine
I’ve buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I’ve made
Inside of me – come decorate, Lord,
And open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor –
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remains
Spread Your love upon the walls,
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded –
No more doors are barricaded…

Come inside this heart of mine –
It’s not my own –
Make it home…
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own –
Welcome Home…

Take a seat – pull up a chair –
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning,
And every closet’s filled with clutter –
Messes yet to be discovered –
I’m overwhelmed – I understand
I can’t make this place all that You can…

Come inside this heart of mine –
It’s not my own –
Make it home…
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own –
Welcome Home…

I took this space that You placed in me,
Redecorated in shades of greed,
And I made sure every door stayed locked –
Every window blocked –
And still, You knocked, well…

Come inside this heart of mine –
It’s not my own –
Make it home…
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own –
Welcome Home…

A lot was lost – but lot more is returning to me. I believe – manifold!

2013 – With God’s ever present help, I begin – again!


Comments on: "2013: I Begin – Again!" (2)

  1. LOVED it…the essence of this beautiful piece of writing resonates too much with me. Thanks for putting into words what I felt but couldn’t express as well as you did.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s